I been thinking, and reading, a lot about supporting and facilitating passions lately….
Kai is often interested in things I have never had any interest in. Pirates. Knights. Zombies. Swords. Guns. It can be hard to summon up some interest to support and facilitate interests that don’t really interest you.
In particular, it can be hard to support interest that might even go against your own moral ideals. I’ve written before about my journey accepting Kai’s love of weapons, including guns, and how I came around to buying toy guns when I swore I never would….
I’m totally OK with guns now. To the point where we play games where we kill each other, with guns or swords. When I wrote that other post, I was also still asking Kai to put his guns away when people came over that I knew didn’t have guns. But unless he chooses to do that himself, I won’t ask him to do that anymore – this is his house, and they are his toys…I believe people should respect that and he shouldn’t have to hide his toys in his house. Also, I believe this makes him feel like there is something wrong with toy guns and swords (and, by extension – something wrong with him for liking them), and I try my best to not have him feel that way about his interests and himself.
So, as I wrote about a couple of Mondays ago, Kai is very interested in Medieval battles, history, bows and arrows, etc, at the moment. Again, something I’m not (or…was not!) interested in in the slightest!
But we launched into his interest all guns blazing (if you’ll pardon the pun!)…we found books, games online, toys, movies, DVD’s, Doco’s, ipod games, you name it…
And we’re still loving it….and I’m loving it…Last night we all watched the movie King Arthur. It’s rated R, and it didn’t start until 9.20pm, so i’m guessing most 5 year olds didn’t watch it. I read a little bit about it before we put it on, and it sounded like Kai would love it. And he did. Oh my. Watched it in full armour, with battle sword, jousting lance, and shield. He didn’t sit down much, but ran a number of jousting runs along the lounge. He fell asleep on my lap before the end, still fully dressed in costume with his shield on top of him. He looked so adorable!
I’d have to say that it wasn’t possibly the most historically correct movie, but it still introduced yet more historical topics to Kai, there were Saxons, Romans, Merlin….all the things he’s been loving of late.
Anyway, I guess I don’t really know where i’m going with this post. I suppose what it boils down to is that if I had resisted his interests in swords and guns, going back over a year or so, then this current interest for history wouldn’t really have been allowed to surface with the passion it currently has. It may have surfaced, but it would have been muted, with perhaps a little hint of guilt about it if I had resisted the interest in weapons.
But now, it is joyful and fuelled with delight. And, although of course it’s obvious, i only really started thinking about all Kai has been learning through exploring this passion – I wrote about it for Unschool Monday, but i realise it goes much deeper and covers so much more ground that I thought then….
This weekend he’s been playing the ipod game ‘Battleheart’. When he first downloaded it, he couldn’t get past the first level, and was getting frustrated. But on Friday he conquered the first level, and is now on level 5 or something (stuck at defeating a hog riding goblin…obviously!). The game involves earning money in levels, and spending money to buy weapons and dude’s to fight on your side…..he’s figuring out money and subtraction, asking me to read the writing, and, for the first time in ages, he’s going to find books from his room and asking me to read bits out of them.
It’s kind of goofy, given how much reading I do…but it’s the first time I’ve really ever totally got the idea that children learn through their passions. And oh, how much connection and learning we’d have lost if I had refused to re-think MY ethical dilemma with toy weapons.
Of course, others have written about such things in a much more comprehensive and eloquent manner than I. Dayna Martin’s book has a whole chapter on Nurturing your Child’s Passions. If you don’t have the book, i’m pretty sure Dayna has written some blog posts on it too. But, for some snippets, I indentified with these little bits:
[parents can] move through their past associations that lead them to project their fears onto their kids.
‘Children see their passions as extensions of themselves’
She also writes in another chapter about changing interests and passions, and embracing and honouring all passions equally, no matter whether they align with your interests or not.
A friend also posted this link from Sandra Dodd’s site the other day http://sandradodd.com/obsessions/feedpassions
I just loved it, and so many bits rang true to me….here are more snippets (in case you don’t have the time/inclination to read it all!)…
It can be easy to feed a child’s passion if it coincides with our own passion(s). It’s often very hard for us to accept and to feed a passion that’s different from our own.
Imagine how many other children’s passions are squashed or dismissed or starved EVERY DAY. Imagine what ALL children could be if their parents fed their passions—no matter what!
Kelly also writes about her own childhood, and the fact that her father is a Doctor, and that while they supported all her interests, they particularly supported her interest in science to an obviously greater degree… ‘I got a microscope and petri dishes if I even whispered an interest. ‘
I fear we have been guilty of the same thing in our house – while we’ve supported all Kai’s recent passions – from Zombies to Medieval Knights, the amount of test tubes, conical flasks and animal books attest to the fact that his parents are scientists!!
Anyway, if you’ll excuse me, I must join my son watching ‘Ivanhoe’ for the….erm….21,000st time, then we’re going to try to make armour out of reflective car windscreen covers….
Yes, yes, yes!!! I can so relate to this psot, Jo. I struggled a fair bit in the early days as Lewi’s interests went from fans and airconditioners to cars and trucks and Pokemons and knights and swords and Spiderman and lizards and bugs and…well, you get the picture;) It’s so very important to really get interested in what our kids are interested in. Not just OK it but try it and get into it and like it for ourselves. I think the mum/son and dad/daughter thing is possibly the hardest as it takes abit to understand the interests of the opposite sex (sometimes) but it’s rewarding and expanding, don’t you think? I know I wouldn’t have learnt all I have about blue tongues and sharks and sea life and Spiderman if I hadn’t had my gorgy boy.
it’s a never ending learning curve this unschooling, parenting gig. So cool! x
Thanks ever so much for the heartfelt and timely post! I truly admire your willingness to get involved in your son’s passions. I struggle so much with that.
I fully believe it is also why so many boys have trouble in traditional school — They are being asked to live and learn in a feminized environment where things are neat, tidy, and bloodless!
It’s hard to live up to my own philosophy of supporting that boy-friendly environment.
I look at all the artsy stuff we have in our home environment which speaks to my daughter’s interests and sometimes feel I’m failing my son.
But thankfully his passions revolve around computer programming and tech stuff…so we do have lots of that around and my techie dh helps with that.
Thanks for the good reminder to try to dig deeper into myself and see my son’s passions and try to foster them….
I’ll check out that book you mentioned! Much appreciation!!
I loved this post and relate so much on all your points.
As you know I have an anxiety related to torture scenes in movies. I am very aware of this and so careful not to allow this to interfere with my children’s passions/ interests.
Obviously they aren’t watching serial killer movies but just your average rated M types;-).
The boys were watching pirates of the Caribbean 2 yesterday and the beginning has medieval torture scenes- it’s fairly mild- but it still upsets me. I quietly cringed inwards as they watched it with no problems themselves- they loved the movie.
My usual knee jerk worry is that it will disturb them and create anxiety in them- but I am constantly stepping back to remind myself that this is my issue, my anxiety.
It’s been healing for me in many ways. But more than that it respects my children’s passions and interests.
As for our children’s passions coinciding with our own- D’s really into maths like Paul and Paul gets really excited about this. D just needs to hint at something to do with numbers or science and Paul springs into action, lol. It’s something to be aware of for sure.
This post has been really relevant for me!
Anyway, thank you for your post. xx
David ‘s Lego – it is difficult to sit and put together a Lego project for me on the occasions he’s asked. Too manually technical and boring.
Lucky he likes to do this on his own, but man that’s a challenge when asked! Unlike engaging in my boys other many interests like dino’s- which I now love dinosaurs bc of my boys interest in them! I am a pseudo- paleontologist and can wax lyrical on transformers and star wars.
Ha! Yes, i actually am quite glad Kai doesn’t like lego so much – it bugs me for exactly the same reason it bugs him – when you play with it, it falls apart! lol!Also, he just hasn’t got the patience to sit still for that long! You should get D Minecraft – i reckon he’d love it…it’s like lego on the screen – all our lego-ite friends here love it! You can get Minecraft pocket edition for the ipod/iphone too.
Melissa – thanks for reading :) I can imagine if i had a daughter into art i would be the same – i guess i was fully challenged from the outset only having a boy, and having a boy who is so much…..boy!! It hasn’t been easy, and i’m sure there are more challenges ahead for me to face and question!
Kim – i love reading all the things Lewi has been into over the year, as he’s older than Kai – it’s so cool to wonder what he’ll be up to when he’s Lewi’s age!!
Minecraft is fantastic! Lewi loves it too and so do a lot of his friends of varying ages. Such a cool, multi-aged game.
(Wild Crazy Applause)
Very early in my sons life I made a choice to let him lead in areas of interest. He climbed young. At 3 he could shimmy up a tree coconut style. I realized I could not take the climb out the child so instead I decided to teach him to climb safely. At three he also started cooking, he made better scrambled eggs than I did. I was always standing next to him but he did it. I also took a ton of slack for it.
Later, he loved tools and fire. While obviously fire is not a vocation for every one, I took the approach of teaching him how to handle it safely (with me nearby.)
Now I have an amazing 10 year old. He recently started a blacksmith apprenticeship. His passion for fire and tools are leading the way. He meets twice a month with a master blacksmith. It is going incredibly well. After his first lesson he told me, “Mom, I think I was made to blacksmith.” I have to agree.
If you would have told me when I got pregnant that I would allow my child to do these things, I would have laughed at you. But he has done then, done them well, and we are all the better because of it.
P.S. He went through a phase where he had to eat EVERYTHING with chopsticks. Turns out that skill is a vital to blacksmithing, seeing tools as an extension of your hand. :) You never know what your child is doing today that is vital for their success in the future.
yes, I second the vote for Minecraft! That is one of the things my son plays too. It has been a real asset for our unschooling. Here is what he has learned:
– Spelling. He is intuitively good at spelling/language but doesn’t like spelling lessons to learn nuances of words that might not follow rules. However, when chatting on minecraft the other players correct his spelling errors and it gives him tons of practice spelling and keyboarding. Of course he’s learning alot of texting language too so I suppose this is both good and bad.
– Foreign language. He’s been playing on servers where other kids are bilingual and have taught him phrases in other languages.
– Math. In building his structures he has learned multiplication by building things that are ? x ? size and use = number of blocks.
– Science. He has become more interested in learning about the elements and the periodic table because of the many real (and some not so real) elements used in minecraft. (Here’s one example http://simplytoyz.com/index.php?route=product/product&product_id=841)
– Art. I know one mom who counts her son’s minecraft time as art their curricular model. It definitely engages my son’s imagination in ways that other things cannot.
– Computer Technology. He has become enamored with programming and building his own mods and servers. But it can be dangerous lol. Our 9 year old watched enough youtube videos that he decided he could figure out how to turn our computer into a server on his own. He probably could have done it but we temporarily stopped that since we don’t have the appropriate firewalls to protect our home network. He also declared a few days ago that he is turning his computer into a linux system to make his programs run faster.
He is happy. He has some social anxieties so playing these online games gives him massive doses of friend interactions, challenges, and purpose. As a waldorf wannabe mom I have a lot of mixed thoughts about this and wish there were some ways to integrate more 3-D humans and nature into our lives. But doing so has been so challenging that I’m thrilled there is finally something that makes him enjoy life. As a colickly unconsolable kid for so long I’m just geeked he is not depressed all the time anymore.
P.S. Yes — I was challenged from the start with a son first, but he loved doing art stuff when he was little. I really miss that. I just finally realized a while ago that the art stuff is no longer a shared thing but solely for his sister. I guess his artwork has moved online.
Minecraft- very cool idea and thanks! We checked it out on YouTube and D wants it.